It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
