Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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