I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
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