wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
