Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
