Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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