he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Randomize
