Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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