when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
