I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
