obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize