marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize