I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
