Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
My life is pants optional.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
