either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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