have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
