a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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