Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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