my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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