you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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