At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
