So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
