After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
