I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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