There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
