I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
4 words: hood of his car
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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