There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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