I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
