there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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