Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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