Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
