some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
A+ Viking dick
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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