Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Four minutes until I can fart!
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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