I think I am morally bankrupt
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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