Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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