my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
