My liver just broke up with me...
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
