3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Randomize
