I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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