I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
