Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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