Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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