I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Randomize
