One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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