Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
