I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
