we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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