I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
