My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize