i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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