Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
