it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
