Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
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