I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Randomize
