The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
so let's talk penis.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
