I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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