Where are you?
In a non slutty way
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
