as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
