Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
