I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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