the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
