remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
