I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
