just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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