When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I need to sanitize my soul.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
