why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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