dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
