You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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