just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
