Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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