I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize