He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
